Remembering Emberly Joy

I have been struck in the last week, especially in the last day by the final lines in the Lord of the Rings Movie Series. I have watched the movies maybe 100 times, but never fully understood or took in the message Frodo says towards the end.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold.”

— Frodo, Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King

Of those who know me or are close to me know, I lost my amazingly beautiful 20-month old niece last week in a pool accident. I still struggle to find words.. to find the exact reason as to why? It does no good to dwell on those things, it will only bring pain, my heart aches daily and misses her, I find myself crying at the strangest things that remind me of her. I can't even begin to understand or know the utter pain of a parent or a sibling losing their sister, but as an aunt, it has left me gutted to my core.

As I have mentioned in many posts before, I always wanted to be a mother, it was a dream of mine since childhood, but life has had different plans for me. I knew as I got older that if I was not to be a mother I would always try to be the best aunt I could be. I didn't want to just know who my nieces and nephews are, but to be involved in their lives, be a confidant, be a support, be a loving figure. I consider all of my nieces and nephews my best friends, they mean more than life itself. They have taught me what real love is to my core, allowed me to watch them grow and touched my heart in ways that are hard to explain.

The moment we found out last week, I found my family coming together, trying to find solace in one another, I have only experienced that feeling of unity once before when my dad passed. My mother and I flew out within a day and a half, and I was lucky to have 7 out of my 8 siblings be together and a lot of my sisters-in-law's family.

I don't even want to go into details of all of the ups and downs and the emotion of the time together, that time with them, grieving, serving one another, loving each other, accepting help and love from others, those tears shed are sacred to me. Those moments have left an imprint on my heart and I feel have changed me forever.

Emberly's life here was short, but her impact in her passing has been truly remarkable. I can't help but feel different. I don't feel like the same person anymore, I can't waste a moment, I can't not take every chance, I need to take hold of every second. Life is fleeting, it goes too quickly, we take so much for granted and yet we don't ever fully appreciate each breath we are given. We don't chase all of our dreams, or love as hard and as much as we can. It truly makes me feel anew, anew with the spark of joy and love that she carried. She is my light, my guide now, sparking a new horizon in front of me, helping me to fulfill my dreams through my talents, allowing me to help others," Remember." To remember those who have gone before, those who have just left, those who are are still alive. My purpose is to help connect generations and people, to help them remember all of the beautiful souls and stories through various means. She is my ember, my light in the darkness, the joy I need to always keep within my soul.

Emberly was as her name, a Spark, a Spark of Joy, her very name radiated it, it embodied it.

The day she was born, my brother's family couldn't think of the right name for her. In falling asleep that evening I had a dream of a little girl for the entire night, knowing somehow and deeply in some way that I knew this child, this soul, feeling a deep eternal connection with her. In the dream I kept being told her name, I found myself repeating the name hundreds of times. I woke up even saying the name I had been muttering in my sleep. I felt deep within a need to text my brother around 4 am MST, and tell him that I had a name that might work. I remember being told later that day at work that they had named her that same name, and added an. "ly," to her name as well. She was always meant to be Emberly Joy.

Below I share some of the memories and visuals of her life and the week we spent together. May each and everyone learn from our heartache to take each moment and live, to love fully and to keep the spark of joy and light in your heart. To remember someone is an action, it is daily keeping their legacy alive and their flame going.. May we always remember this little one.

"People touch our lives if only for a moment, And yet we're not the same from that moment on, The time is not important, The moment is forever."

- Fern Bork

The Funeral Slideshow I made; Memorial Slideshows are always a very sacred experience for me to work on, but I must admit this one was the hardest I ever had to create, but through that pain, her memory has brought thousands together.

Below is a video compilation of her funeral, I found myself sobbing during the song that my niece's choir sang during the program, the music was felt to the core.

A few moments below from that day

Over the next few weeks, I hope to start gathering photos and written memories from family and will start to put together this little angel's life and legacy.

We truly never know when we are to be called home. I share the video below from my dad's funeral of the song Goin' Home. A song that is all too fitting for now:

"It's not far, just close by

Through an open door

Work all done, care laid by

Never fear no more

No more fear, no more pain No more stumbling by the way No more longing for the day Going to run no more

Morning star light the way Restless dreams all gone Shadows gone, break of day Real life has begun There's no break, there's no end Just living on Wide awake, with a smile Going on and on, going on and on Going home, going home I am going home Shadows gone, break of day Real life has begun I'm just going home"

"We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy."

- Nan Witcomb