Emberly - A Year Later

"You gave me a forever within the numbered days."

-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

A year ago life changed, in a matter of seconds. As I pulled up to my apartment after a long day of work I received a text message as I parked that changed it all. Within a short time of the text, I would know and find out that my beautiful baby niece had passed. A piece of my heart broke that day... months later I would remember the quote by Ernest Hemmingway that said, " We are all broken, that's how the light gets in."

I still try to remember that and the whirlwind of utter pain, joy, and complete chaos that has occurred since. Life has never been the same, never.

A year has gone.... a really hard year. I have found myself a few times this year having moments where I bawled uncontrollably... I have had other ones where people told me I was just her aunt and to, "Get Over It."

We shouldn't ever tell a person how to feel or simply to get over it... My entire business of preserving memories and remembering loved ones is so no one is ever forgotten. Every life is important, every legacy left. Even the footsteps and shadows left of a 20-month-old.

I wanted to spend today just remembering some of the beautiful moments we experienced with Embie in her 20 months with us.

I have shared before that I dreamt her name, well a version of her name... My brother and sister-in-law didn't have a name for their baby yet and I, the night after she was born, kept dreaming the name," Ember Joy." I had repeated it roughly 100 times in my sleep and found myself muttering it as I awoke, I texted them that morning around 4:30 my time.

Well, in going through old files I realized the name Ember had been one I had heard several years before and I had even kept a screenshot of the reasons why the couple I followed on social media named their daughter Ember... I loved it but forgot about it... Oddly the middle name of, "Joy," I loved when I visited Ohio near Christmas in 2017 and saw a big lit sign that said the word and thought to myself that would make an amazing middle name... I always thought I would have a child, a girl, and I wanted to set that name aside.

I even snapped a photo of the lit-up word just to remind myself. I also still have that screenshot right here...

Now I want to share some of the favorite moments of her life... she was special, a little one I felt a connection with from the beginning... when I first held her I felt distinctly that I knew her, it was as if I was seeing an old friend, one whom I had known through the eternities.... and the day she died... I felt her go... It is hard to describe... but I felt her go... I remember sobbing as that washed over my person. I knew she was gone but didn't want to believe it... My intuition though... it knew.

I have tried to live a better and even more meaningful life since her journey on, but life this past year as we all know and personally has been a struggle and had a lot of heartbreak. I have had a few close calls and health scares that I have been working through and have had to remind myself that each moment is precious, each relationship we have is important and we never know when our life is to end. It is a constant journey, I am doing all I can to see that I am around as long as possible, but I do not fear death, for we never fully leave, they are still with us even after they go. I have begun writing my life story because of Emberly. I live alone and have for 8 years and am extremely private regarding most of my life. If I don't tell my story, no one will ever know truly the thoughts and feelings of my heart or the journey life has taken me on.

I am still working on establishing the foundation in Emberly's name and have been a year later trying to get some projects about her underway.

But today we celebrate the Joy she brought and some of the memories... it is time to rejoice in the legacy and laughter and love she left behind. Below are some videos of a few of those special moments and just a few of my favorite photos I took of her.

Below I have included her Memorial Slideshow and her funeral tribute video.... in 20 months this little one's star burned brightly for all to see and in her passing, she has left a fire that will never go out. I will keep my head up and keep going embie... and also look, "Up Up High!"

I will never stop loving you or let you be forgotten, never!

I don't know how much more I can plead with you all .... life is short...our time goes so quickly. Embrace your loved ones... what is left after you go are the relationships and love that you had.