Please Don't Speak to Women About their Biological Clocks!

Yesterday someone I had just met a few days ago was talking to me about her kids and Santa Claus…. a fairly normal conversation. Somehow the conversation went from Santa to asking how old I was, I said 37… Now if you are me or a single older woman, we get this all the time… “Oh you are 37, you should still have a few years before you can’t have children.” These unwarranted comments come frequently…

When I started at my new position I remember talking to a freelancer via a web meeting, she works out of state… she also asked me my age, I said 37. The response I got was, “Well… your biological clock is probably pounding on the door right now isn’t it?”

Just last night I had a person I know freaking out about not being pregnant to me via text… worried that she is getting too old, she also is 37.. and that something was wrong with her. Her significant other has been putting pressure on her to get pregnant because she is not getting any younger. Now whether you are married or single, your reproductive system shouldn’t be everyone else’s business, but I have some advice from the single perspective.

Now, I can’t speak for all singles, just those I know and myself, but one of the hardest challenges I face is other people… the looks, the comments, the pressure we feel and start to put on ourselves about our biological clocks. There has not been a single doctor’s appointment I have had in the last 5 years where I have not been told that I am not getting any younger and that at this point of my life if I even tried to have a child it would be a geriatric pregnancy and that my “eggs” are having a going out of business sale, so I better get it on it if I want children.

When I hear these comments my mind goes to the clip from the movie, “Look Who’s Talking.” The female is in her 30’s and feels like she wants a baby.. in a thought montage they show her at one point hanging on to the end of a clock that is winding down fast and she is holding on by a thread. It is a great visual..

If I wanted to get into the science and health of women now a days, women are having children well into their 40’s and healthy kids to boot. Science has come a long way and medical advancements as well.. That is not the topic truly, the getting pregnant or ability to have children, it is the pressure felt from others and ourselves about having them at all. Movies and TV Shows in the past have not portrayed us well, to most they picture Bridget Jones Diary and how the character looked, life is not a movie. Even google, google of all things.. if you type in single older woman, the term that comes up is, “Childless Spinster.” Ugh… a spinster. Isn’t that a great term, the visual of an old homely woman comes to mind.. I can thank TV for those visuals.

In the past and most of the time I have been told to online date so I can meet someone and hurry up and start having children. I am not going to, “hurry up,” and find someone just to have a child. There are a few things that can help others, regarding advice towards the singles in your life or just towards other woman in general…

1. My biological clock is not your concern, yes as I get older I can feel more of an urge internally to have a child, but it doesn’t mean it is pounding the door down daily. I naturally have the need to nurture and love and find plenty of children in my life that let me love on them. Please don’t put pressure on women about children, it is hard enough for women out there, stop before you speak. Somehow my, “Biological Clock,” is a concern to others out there. It is my clock not yours and to bring a child into the world simply because time is running out is not the best reason.

2. Now this is a hard one for some.. Don’t feel the need to ask even the marrieds with no children about their clocks or the need to have children. In this world where we over share or talk too much or post too much, we all feel entitled to comment or give our advice to others. Now it is something I have been working on myself as well, other’s lives are their own business. Sometimes the woman might be having fertility issues and it is a deeply emotional battle, some couples have simply chosen to not have children, which is fine too. Coming from the single position, I could have children if I want to. There are lots of medical ways to have a child but the point is, it is none of your business. We truly have to start respecting one another and mind our own business, a woman’s reproductive system is her own and not the concern of other’s around her.

3. Lastly is a reminder that life is not what you see online or in movies.. I am not sitting at home crying each night because I am unwed and childless. I am not eating my feelings or feeling sorry for myself. I don’t imagine myself hanging off of a clock feeling and hearing the time wind down, and the huge push to reproduce. I am yes, working hard to provide myself a decent life and maybe one day be a mother or a wife.. but that is private and not the concern. My geriatric body might one day have a child… now how sad is that… I am 37 and am somehow already geriatric, thanks to all the physicians out there for that lovely term.

The real point of this post is to simply remind others that a woman’s age and biological clock are private and their own concern. We have got to start keeping things to ourselves, thinking before we speak and not making these blanket statements to other women about how they might still have a few years. We need to stop making comments about their clocks pounding. We have got to just love each other and be kind.. the amount of pressure, we each carry differently and even watching that one friend the last 2 years freaking out about her age and reproductive system has been a lesson and reminder to me. The small comments she gets about it as well have not helped her in the slightest and I have watched her bounce from one relationship to another in hopes of finding someone to reproduce with. It is hard to watch and hard to hear. Now in the future if I need to speak about my clock or it’s wind down I will, but as for now, please respect all the women in your life and keep those comments to yourself.