February 16... it's a day I remember

This day 2 years ago had an impact on me. Although I am fine, I was in an accident that almost took me... As I have just started this blog in the last 6 months, I thought I would share my original post from the first year after that I shared on my blog that I used to have... here is the original blog post below and the link to it on the other site as well:

A YEAR LATER - DID I USE IT WELL?

February 16, 2019

The title might confuse people... but a year ago on the 16th of February I had a car accident that almost took my life and was a meteor to my soul during a very hard time already. I know for a fact I was preserved and am alive for a reason, I still have a purpose here. I remember the accident almost daily, since the site is on the route I have to take to work. In my heart that day I vowed to myself and the heavens that I would live a better life, I would be better, I would do better, I would strive to live each day with purpose.

Friday evening while driving to a play, I felt sick to my stomach, my gut felt off and I couldn't shake that feeling. While driving I decided to pray out loud and just voice what my heart was feeling. At the end of it all, all that came to my mind was, did I use the life I have had for the last year well? Am I proud of these extra days I have been granted? Now this is a very vulnerable question, did I use it well? No one more than me knows I am the hardest on myself, I beat myself down and have been known to be very self-abusive in the past. I wish I could honestly say, that I was perfect from that day on, that I used every moment and minute and lived to the fullest. During this past year I have had more growing experiences than I can talk about or even want to discuss. I found myself at times in very dark places and at one of the lowest points in my life. I made so many bad choices, said things I regretted immediately, and hurt others at times as well. But enough with that negative self talk.... During the past year as well, I found I had a voice, I let go of the fear of saying what my heart felt and having open honest conversations. I was able to finally start to love myself and call myself beautiful. I was able to do a reset on my life and forge a path out on my own. I was able to love others as much and as deeply as I could show, to nurture and show love and affection in my own ways. I was able to celebrate and embrace others and their exciting moments and accomplishments. I learned so many amazing lessons and found so much strength in myself. I almost feel like I found myself rising out of the ashes as a phoenix... still with some ash on my feathers and slightly sore and aging, but rising slowly none-the-less. February 16, is my new years in a way... it is a day I will forever use as a marker to keep going, keep trying and keep living as well as I can. I can and will do better and be better and love more... Here is to 2019... may we embrace it all.

Like the Phoenix, I Rise from the Ashes By Lorraine Day

The toils of yesterday Like the anchor of it's shore I make the decision to accept Then reflect Like the Phoenix I rise from the ashes. My path I carve With hands of skill Determined focused with an iron will Until the day My heart is still Like the Phoenix I rise from the ashes. The challenge of darkness May eclipse My thoughts Stealing positive words From my lips Paralyzing me to my fingertips But again I will arise once more Like I've done so many times before As the crest of the wave Leaves it's anchor of the shore Like the Phoenix I rise from the ashes.