August 15 - A Day of Mixed Emotions

August 15th, even remembering the date brings mixed feelings of the past. 19 Years ago today my family was almost taken, I say almost because miracles occurred and they survived. It was during a point where my family was already taking a huge chance and driving across the country to start a new life, my parents had a new home and new jobs to look forward to in Utah. We had left the life we knew behind in Upstate New York for these new opportunities.

Along the drive, we had stopped to see some family and also some LDS Historical Sites along the way. We had both our van and our honda civic driving, so 6 kids would stay in the van that my dad was driving and the other 3 would be in the car with my mom.

I remember the day before that we had; the night before we stopped in Nauvoo, Illinois, and had stayed at a motel a few hours away. As we got up that morning and were making our way through Iowa it felt like it was to be another long day of driving.

As we were passing by Des Moines, in a matter of seconds, from the other side of the highway we could see a truck driving erratically. It feels like we blinked and looked up and this truck seemed to be driving across the grass median and heading towards my family's van. It is hard to describe but my dad said once that he did all he could, swerving and trying to avoid this truck, but somehow the truck was coming towards him no matter what my father did.

With my 2 sisters and my mom in tow, we watched the truck hit my family and saw the van go into the air and in what seemed like forever hit the ground in the middle of the median. The driver of the truck was dead, it stayed with me because it was my first time ever seeing someone who had died. As for my family, I won't go into details, because it is hard still to remember them in that way.

As I had stated previously we were moving, so a lot of the belongings lay in the middle of the street. In a crisis, I tend to go into task mode more than emotion, so I told my 2 sisters to help me clear our belongings from the highway. Helicopters, Ambulances, Police would all arrive soon and in what seems like a haze and I am unclear the amount of time we were on the side of the road, but after a short time were sent to Des Moines for our family, left to pick up the aftermath of what had happened. My dad had taken the brunt of the impact and for a very very long time in his life dealt with the aftermath, my siblings were all saved and would have to deal for a short time with their injuries or soreness. My family had been saved which is a miracle, my father who had gotten most of the impact was still alive despite being handicap at that time. We ended up staying in the city of Iowa with various members of the LDS faith who had lovingly taken us in at that time and helped us out for 2 weeks, they truly were Saints.

Those following months I would do an online semester of college to take care of my dad who for that year was wheelchair-bound. Now note, one thing..... the year was 2001. 2001, in August. My father via plane through a relative flew home days, literally days before September 11, which I have always seen as a miracle as well. He would have been stuck in a care facility in Des Moines for much longer.

August 15 would be a day that left a mark on our hearts, a day that was a reset for my family. I was granted 14 more years with my father before he would pass away, those years I have never taken for granted although I wish I would have appreciated them even more.

Now during these hard times this year and again on this date that hurts in some ways to recall I have found some needed solace this morning. My dad having been a writer left so many wonderful breadcrumbs behind, so many words of wisdom. I didn't know until this morning how much I needed to hear his words or his advice again. Let me share a personal experience he wrote about which touched my heart today to read once again.

To preface this story, after my dad had been injured badly and had undergone surgeries he being kept at a different hospital then my siblings would have to stay behind in Iowa as my mother tried to finish our move in a rental van with my siblings. The nights being alone for my dad were hard, the pain was difficult. On one of those agonizing nights, he penned these words:

Oh Savior Stay This Night With Me

I often go back in memory to dark nights in a hospital bed in Iowa. It is then that I remember anew, the miracles of every passing night and the miracle of a dawn and a new day.

A hospital is a terrible place to try and sleep and rest. The nights can test even the most stable soul.

There I was in Iowa, just halfway to our prescribed destination and a new home and new life. Our situation had been thrown in turmoil when we had an accident that Aug.15, 2001 morning. Chaos was the result. My legs were broken, my lung punctured. I had stitches in every part of my body. My family was stranded and left in limbo, with a house that hadn’t closed in New York and a house that hadn’t been paid for in Utah.

In spite of the difficult circumstances, we had been blessed. I had been pieced together by caring doctors and my kids were recovering and being graciously loved and cared for by the Iowa saints.

But even miraculous and magical times, have their difficult moments.

The nights were especially hard because the body and soul often seemed in conflict. I used to dread that period of time more than anything else during my recovery period at Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines, Iowa, and the adjacent rehabilitation center. I found them to be almost more than I could endure. Without His love and companionship, I am not sure I could have made it through.

Hooked up with monitors, IVs, a drain, and every conceivable device that I could imagine, and a body that doesn’t work just right, the nights would come and rob me of companionship and sometimes bring fear. You don’t dare have the TV on, for fear of waking everyone else, but you are trapped, lying on your back, to a posture that prevents rest and leaves you alone with your thoughts.

The mind can wander so easily when left to itself. Sometimes those thoughts can frighten and run amok. Fear is to be feared because it can rob you of the power of faith and the subsequent power of His spirit.

I tried to concentrate my thoughts continually on what He would have me do, at that time, at that moment.

I have known the power of prayer throughout my adult life, as I have sought to know the mind and will of God, but lying on my bed in a difficult situation during those nights, I found the prayers were an ongoing dialogue, sometimes a bit one-sided.

Those dialogues often seemed like a marathon. The Lord allows you to sometimes run until you are tired, and then He fills in the gaps and carries you the remaining distance. Somehow, someway, I always made it to the next day.

The words of a song, “Morning has broken” seem so appropriate after a long night.

I have found irony that in His most difficult hour, He could not find one who would stay awake, and yet in my darkest hours, when I could not sleep or find rest, He was awake with me.

The words of a hymn strike me as so appropriate to describe this. I believe it captures the essence of what I want you to know. Each verse seems a talk until itself.

Abide with me, ’tis eventide! The day is past and gone; The shadows of the evening fall; The night is coming on! Within my heart a welcome Guest, Within my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide! O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide!

Abide with me, ’tis eventide! Thy walk today with me Has made my heart within me burn, As I communed with Thee. Thy earnest words have filled my soul And kept me near Thy side.

O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide! O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide!

Abide with me, ’tis eventide! And lone will be the night, If I cannot commune with Thee, Nor find in Thee my light. The darkness of the world, I fear, Would in my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide! O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ’tis eventide!

My dear children and loved ones I have known what it is like to have the Savior stay the night with me. I tell you that He will be there, if you ask. He will sustain you, if you ask. He will help you feel of His love, if you but seek it. If you will learn to be grateful and cede “thy will be done” then you will be a companion to a sweetness that I know no way of describing.

There will be dark moments in your life, time when the “darkness of the world” will cause your heart to be troubled or fear. Reach out, reach out to him and seek His companionship. Allow Him to walk with you in those moments and you will come to know as you may never have felt before, just how profoundly He loves you and how much joy and happiness awaits you, as you become His companion in moving His work forward.

During these dark times we are all experiencing this year, may we remember as my dad finished saying, to reach out and move forward, believing that hopefully someday, "This too shall pass."

My family, taken a few years before my dad passed... they all survived.. it was a miracle.