My So-Called "Lonely," Life - The Myth of being Alone

It has been interesting as I become older to not only grow and change and refine who I am, but also to see the way others perceive or think of me. One of the biggest things a lot of people tend to believe about is that I am lonely. I am here to set the record straight.. I'm not.

I know I know, this might be confusing to others, "But she's single?, "She lives alone!" I can honestly attest that the last time that I felt lonely was about 2 years ago, and oddly I was living with someone else. I was going through some really really tough stuff at that time, and both isolated myself and was left alone by my support, I felt despair. Now that loneliness for me was something I did get over, but I have noticed that those who feel lonely tend to be not those who live or who are alone, but those who are actually surrounded by others. We like to isolate ourselves, we tend to focus inward and can't see the beauty out there. I truly believe, we are only as lonely as we let ourselves be... now here is what I mean.

I learned a few years ago, that being vulnerable, open, honest and truthful with people in a kind and loving way was so much healthier than keeping things inside. When I am having a hard moment or need to set boundaries with someone that talking it out in a calm manner was so wonderful and allowed me truly to feel lighter and happier. One of the great lessons I have learned is to not let myself feel lonely, because I'm not. I have amazing people in my life, amazing people to meet, and more hobbies that I actually have time for. There are so many wonderful relationships you already have you can build upon, and so many more you can cultivate... believe me I understand being shy and introverted, but I have seen the payoff and sometimes just have to channel my inner social-goddess and get out there and talk or mingle.

Holiday wise, I put it out there, that I would like to spend the holidays with people... hence I get plenty of invites. If I feel the need to go out, I put it out there to friends that I need to get out. I take nieces or nephews out, I take myself out of my own environment or I use technology to connect with others... huge huge user of Marco Polo for that reason. Some of the loneliest people I see, don't communicate it. One of the huge mistakes that person or group makes is not thinking to reach out, but waiting for another party to do so... I tend to be a huge realist and way too level headed for my own good. If you feel lonely or alone, reach out to that person, be the first one to make the move. Send a text, face time, Marco polo, do something to connect with that person. Just like it doesn't always occur to you to connect, it might not to them, and as someone who the majority of the time tries to be the one connecting or trying to reach out, nothing feels better actually then the other person communicating first.

Now I 100% understand though, how mental health and depression play into these things. I suffer from mild depression, but take medication for it, and openly admit I see a therapist regularly. I hate the stigma that goes with that... When I have been depressed I do feel that loneliness, but a lot of it is because I isolate myself, this tends to be a common action. If you are feeling that way, please reach out, even to me, I can help you.. the last feeling I want a person to feel, is that they are in this alone. We all need to speak up, help each other and be there for one another.

Now the last aspect that people generally go to with me with loneliness is that I am not in a relationship, I have no partner or significant other.... Well, yes I can admit I am independent and a feminist, but those are not the reasons that I am single. I am a firm believer actually that you don't need to be in a relationship to be truly happy or fulfilled or loved, but I do believe in love and in relationships, but I don't feel it should be a person's number one goal or achievement to hit. When you make it your only goal, you sometimes can't see the whole picture and make desperate or bad decisions in relationships or when life gives you those lemons and it doesn't go the way you want it, you dwell on it.

Over the last 17 years, I have been to a number of singles activities, been in singles groups, even have attended church services where there are only single people. The older I got the more I could cut the feeling of desperation with a knife in a lot of those places. I would talk to some of the men or woman they would being feeling down about their status or in many ways feel desperate. I hated it, I hated feeling that in the air. Going through life with someone else would be great, but I can say, living your best, honest and great life on your own is pretty amazing too. We need to stop focusing on the aspect that we are not partnered and take advantage of the stage of life we are in.

I have never wanted to be treated like a queen or a princess, in the end for me I want to find my equal and nothing less, I got into relationships way too many times in my adult years and each time found the same type of person, which every time didn't work and it ended badly. I let the idea of being in a relationship over being alone consume me, and made some very poor choices in boyfriends, those who didn't truly love or value me, but would occasionally pay attention to me. I learned to love myself, my body, my mind, my personality and even now today, love who I am, and if it is just be throughout this life, I can do it, because I don't care about being alone, there are so many amazing people I already have in my life. I have also learned through experience and therapy what healthy relationships are, and I can't do less than that.

One of the actual blessings of my so called,"Lonely Life," is the amount of time I have to pursue my dreams, my businesses, my passions. I get to attend anything and everything of my families, because I can. I get to embrace so many other aspects of life that those who are tied down can't. Don't let yourself feel lonely, please...because in the end, you truly are only as lonely as you let yourself feel.

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